071409

i have been journaling a lot. when i move to different locations

when some kind of thought pops up. i write it down. or whenever i feel knotted inside. i just write it out. i always tell myself i would blog it but i never do it and "updating" my blog by simply copying what i wrote on my journal is not the way to go.

so here it is. what ive been freshly thinking for the past couple of minutes, hours.

i just came back from my listening instructor's office hours. im not too bad at reading comprehension. but when it comes to speaking whatever is in my head just doesnt come out the way i want it. many times ppl in my class give me that WTF look, as in what the hell is he talking about. it happens a lot in english too. i just dont know what i am saying, and i just leave my friends hanging with a confused look eagerly searching for the next conversation topic before it hits the awkward stage.

if its bad in english, imagine how bad it would be in chinese. its literally WTF

funny thing is, it doesnt discourage me at all. it gives me more energy to try. and i believe that is what matters and that is the spirit and mentality i need to improve on my chinese. and i will.

when i came back to the states '02, i was already far behind. since then i picked up the mentality " eff talents, i have no talents, time to be gritty: grind it out. put in 150% when others put in less. be the worker who puts in extra hours.

and honestly that did pay off. i somehow got into a very prestigious( really dont know how ) school and have friends who are probably going to be very successful in the future.

this post is not looking like what it was suppose to. but eff it

my point is. i need to work hard. if i dont put in the work, i cant get nowhere.

if i were to be stuck in jejudo and just go to its local college and become a tangerine farmer: maybe not.

but that is not the case. im at a school where ppl are very competitive. right now im at the heart of a nation that is making a big impact globally. everything is moving. everyone is moving. life goes on

and at this point, really, ivan, there is nothing to lose.

end justify means vice versa who CARES!

i am going to live life. and live

shiz i got the biggest BACKUP in the world.

that G never runs out of GAS

and thats the way its going to be.

if maxiell can earn 3 years 15 mil with a small ass body guarding dwight howard and his fat ass guarding LBJ, i can do the same. i might not win but if i give my all

i will be satisfied.

so ivan, dont make excuses. if you dont put in the work. you deserve it.

if you do put in the work. thats that.

and the same goes for my readers.

lupin