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this entry might be somewhat legible for the readers.

today, i decided to go get subway for dinner and there i met two UCLA friends of mine. we were just talking how our lives have been occupied with this that... typical over the dinner table type of conversation.

the turning point of the story comes about when i felt academically challenged by my two friends. both of them are doing very well academically and they have a Great, i mean GREAT future ahead ( seriously, i wish those two the BEST. i really pray that their talents would not go to a waste but really be used in a way where its like maxing out when bench pressing. that type of max-out )

the moment i was challenged to do better in school really got to me: what am I doing with my life. of course the conversation just ended as " oh ivan, you do it differently " and true, i do it differently than others at UCLA. maybe TOO different.

growing up, and still up to this day, i believe people who question why and how arent really meant to succeed in this world. they think too much. they waste time by just thinking and not getting to the point.

i am DEFINITELY not saying my two friends are NOT thinkers ( i think they hella stress about their future, which indicates the level of brain work that goes into it. this blog entry has NOTHING to do with my two friends )

so i sit here, in my room thinking, "i think i go against the flow. many times. and i wonder if im really up for the challenge. not really taking the way people go about. always doing things differently with a rather quixotic manner.

i think my brain crashes way too many times. it is seriously a internal battle. two thoughts. going at each other. constantly, intensely.


how do i exercise the freedom that has been given? Oh Lord, you are the way